Things That Bother Me When I Fly Internationally

1.) People that use more than their allotted seating space. Either because of bodily girth or excessive electronics, there are many frequent fliers that seem to overstep the boundaries of personal seating space. You paid for seat 34D. If you, or any part of your body, is crossing the thin veil of space between the armrest into seat 34E, I will have to start charging you by the mile.

2.) When passengers turn their reading lights on during the overnight portion of the flight. Some of us want to sleep. My sleep mask can only block out so much of the beaming light shining two inches away from my face.

3.) When the in-flight movie isn't in English. Those tiny weeny subtitles on the 1 foot by 1 foot screen five seats in front of me are not a legible rendition of "The Motorcycle Diaries".

4.) When the Sudoku puzzle has already been completed in the In-Flight Magazine. The right to a fresh In-flight Magazine is in fact included in the airline ticket I purchased.

5.) People that want to talk during the flight. My iPod headphones are on and my Hunger Games book is open. All signs lead to I don't want to chit-chat.

6.) The Captain announcing the local temperature in Celsius.  So in Fahrenheit that's Celsius times two add 12 to the 9th power square root of 8 throw it all in the quadratic equation and I get... 300 degrees Fahrenheit? In Scotland? This can't be right.

7.) Babies.  I love babies, just not on planes. I have not met a baby in the history of time who has not cried on an international flight. I feel like this is the oldest complaint in the book. Why haven't we found a way to solve for this yet? Baby noise cancelling ear buds? Sleep hypnosis for infants? There has to be a way for adult passengers and baby passengers to coexist!

8.) Air-conditioning. I realize that all the menopausal women in the world are ever grateful for the frigid temperature of the airline. But I am 24. I feel like I have to bring a down blanket and wool socks on every flight even if I'm flying to Costa Rica. 

9.) People that leave their cellphones on.  The true gamblers of fate. If we plummet to a terrifying death because your cellphone interfered with the planes radio, I will push you out of the plane first.

10.) People asking for help filling out their customs forms. I can't read Czech any better than you buddy and I'm still a little groggy from you leaving your personal reading light on during the duration of the flight so... ask the flight attendant.

I suppose it's always worth the suffering to travel internationally. I personally can't wait for the year 2040 when we all have individual jet-packs. Get on that NASA.