Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Holiday Horrors from a Holiday Hater

I'm sorry for any of you who read my blog because of it's relation to travel and I keep writing  about... well not travel.

For now let's talk consumerism, old people in shopping malls, and trying to schlep bags of gift wrapped boxes on a Peter pan bus to Albany.

Here's my list of things that piss me off about the holidays-
1.) Getting home for the holidays: Family, if you are reading this, I LOVE YOU and I LOVE GIFTING YOU WITH TONS OF PRESENTS... but seriously I have no car, I take the subway everywhere, and carrying Christmas gifts home on two separate buses is tricky. On each bus, I always find myself sitting there hoping the snow globe I got for my Grandma is not getting bashed by someone's ski boots on the baggage compartment below.  Grandma, if you are reading this, don't worry, I got you a scarf this year.

2.) Christmas music: I know I'm going to hell for this one, but I feel as though at age 24 I'm allowed to post-preferences on music I like/dislike. Maybe there's just not enough depth the Christmas tunes for me.  "Jingle Bell Rock" and "All I want for Christmas is you" literally make me want to rip my hair out. Probably because they are played every year on every channel at every mall and every coffee house for 2 months straight (aka 1/6th of the year). I can't listen to the same monotonous song about "Christmas Cheer" over and over and over again. My ears are bleeding. Please. Stop the music. Anything but this. Christmas music should die with Nickel back and the girl who wrote the "Friday" song.
Exception to this list: "River" by Joni Mitchell

3.) The Mall: Normally I love love love to shop. But the mall, from Thanksgiving to New Year's is a war zone of anxiety driven adults--  I've never gotten yelled at by so many old ladies or tripped over so many oblivious kids in my life. The lines to pay are always at least 20 people long. The heat is always up to 80 degrees, so I'm carrying my coat, purse, and 8 shopping bags... Maybe this is why so many modern day people order things online. I guess I'm old-fashioned/ masochistic when it comes to my holiday shopping.

4.) Wrapping paper: Aren't we trying to save the environment? What's with all this wasted paper? On another note--  is there a gift wrapping class I can take? I'm either cutting too much or too little paper for every present. Post-wrapping- I'm always covered in piles of shredded paper from cutting off excess which all get trashed (see again saving the environment).

5.) Gifts from awkward relatives: I know, i know, bashing gifts that one receives will surely induce bad karma. But we all have those relatives who buy us the home knitted scarf that says "Ho, Ho, Ho" on it. We smile and we wear it that day and then we put it in a box in our closet for the next twelve years. If there is something I don't need, it's more shit. Whatever you spent on that shit I will gladly take it in Starbucks cards, bottles of wine, or money.  In fact, if you're not in my immediate family, cookies are probably your best bet. Nothing says "Happy Holidays" like overeating together.

Note: I DO Love Christmas because I get to see my mom, the one aunt and uncle I like (you know who you are), my grandma (who loves snow globes), Christmas trees, lights, Christmas food, watching movies, and giving/receiving gifts with people that know me well. I am in no way a Grinch or anti-Christmas. Please don't return the gifts/cards/food you got me. <3 J


  1. Karma is a bitch you'll soon find out

  2. Here's something original for ya...


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